Revised Jun 6 2021

No. 97. Mr. P. Heywood to Miss N. Heywood.

Hector – Oct^r 14^th 1792

This Day my Brother brought my beloved Sister's Letter of Yesterday which afforded me, as all her's do unspeakable Pleasure. — Ah! my Nessy — the more I consider the unparalleled Goodness of Mr. Graham & his constant & parental Exertions in my Behalf, the more I am overwhelmed with indescribable Gratitude. Wou'd to Heaven my Abilities were equal to my Will! then wou'd I glory in exerting them in such a Manner as might appear in some Degree at least an Acknowledgement — But Alas! that is an Happiness which is denied me! — all I am now able to offer him is a grateful Heart; & may he meet with that reward in the next World which this is too poor to bestow as a recompence for such disinterested Goodness & Humanity! — The satisfaction I recieve from the Company of my dear Brother is such my beloved Nessy as I have indeed been long a stranger to; yet my present situation obliges me (as I look upon myself in the same Light as a Person laying upon a Death Bed) to forbear asking many questions I wou'd otherwise wish to know concerning our Family; but I am so well aware of the Frailty of my own Nature, that I think, till the divine Will is made known to me, I had better remain in my present state of Ignorance, as my Opinion is, a Person in my situation ought to endeavour to divest himself of all unbecoming Anxiety and solicitude for the sublunary Enjoyments of this Life. — Let not my dear Nessy imagine that these sentiments proceed from a gloomy Mind entirely void of Hope, & occupied only by black Despair & desponding Fear — No! — my dearest Love — far from it; I don't know that I was ever in a more light & chearful state of Temper in my Life, & I think my Joy & Tranquility proceeds from the right Cause — fully content with my present station, unhappy as it may appear, yet believe me my Dear when I assure you, that I can sometimes enjoy a sort of melancholy Pleasure in it. — Whatever Turn of Fortune now awaits me, I trust God will enable me to bear it with the same Chearfulness as I hope I have the Past, conscious that his omniscient Will alone can ever be effected towards me, whosoever be the Instrument thro' whom it may be made known — How happy am I to hear that my dear Mother & Sisters are well, — May Heaven continue to shower down its Blessings on them all! — How kind too is my dear Uncle Pasley — Ah! that I were able to shew myself worthy his parental Attention. — you say you are fearful there will be a Delay of a few Days more e'er this Business can be brought to an Issue, but from what I have heard, I do not expect that anything will transpire before the Middle of next Month. I am apprehensive my dear Nessy that you suffer greatly from the Agitation of your Mind in writing to me — therefore for God's Sake write only on such subjects as will afford Pleasure to your precious self, lest you shou'd injure your Health, which is more valuable to me than Life — fear not making me uneasy by saying Any thing which can be a Consolation to your own Mind, for that alone will give me the greatest Pleasure I can receive. — Oh! my Sister — chear up your drooping Spirits — God is just & merciful, & will do as to him seems best for our good — What more than that can we wish for? — James as you say does not like writing; but it is my Delight & most especially to my dear Nessy: with Pleasure then will I be the Amanuensis — too happy am I that my Life is yet prolonged to administer even a slight Consolation to the distressed soul of my sister, that, & that, only can afford Satisfaction to her ever

affectionate & most

  inviolably attached Brother

    P: Heywood