Revised Jun 6 2021

No. 96. Miss N. Heywood to Mr. P. Heywood.

Great Russel Street 13^th Oct^r 1792

Oct 10, 1792 Your Letter of the 10th. my ever dearest Peter did not reach me (from some Delay on the road) till Yesterday, & I shou'd certainly have immediately answered it but I wished first to see Mr. Graham who was then at the Office — I direct this to James which I shall continue to do, that he may read my Letters — How sincerely do I rejoice that he is now with you! – not that I have a Fear respecting the Attention and Kindnesses of our generous Friends — but then, the satisfaction of talking with him on subjects on which no Person but a Brother or Sister can talk — (the Welfare of a fond & anxious Family) how greatly must it relieve & comfort your Mind! — but I am wrong my Love to suppose you need Comfort – Alive as the exquisite Tenderness of your Heart is to the Calls of Love, Affection, Pity, & Compassion, yet how does my Admiration encrease (even to a Degree of Pain) to find that your unshaken Fortitude still rises superior to the Frowns of Fortune, or the Events of Mortality — Ah! my best Brother — deprived of thee — what a wretched Blank wou'd be this Universe to thy poor Nessy! — but away with such despairing Thoughts — I must and will hope! — I had yesterday Oct 7, 1792 a Letter from my Mama dated the 7^th informing me that since I left them, they have had a continued storm, which has prevented all Communication with England — they are all well & send the fondest sentiments Affection can dictate to you & James I hope they have e'er this recieved my Letters which contain an exact Journal of every thing that takes Place with respect to you the only Object of our Attention — the constant subject of my Conversation with the inestimable Mr. Graham — & I will add the constant Occupation of his kind & generous soul, on which it is so intently fixed that scarce a Moment elapses in which he does not suggest something new to serve us — Oh! my lov'd Peter — what a Friend he is! — we talk of you from Morning till Night, & judge if that does not give me all the Pleasure which (deprived of yourself) can find an Entrance into my Bosom — I shall write Home today & tell them you are well, & will as you desire say everything to comfort my dear Mama.

I had a Letter from my Uncle Pasley Yesterday the kindest most affectionate you can concieve — Mr. Graham hears from & writes to him every Day & his Letters to him are full of the most tender Anxiety about my Peter — I had also a Letter from my Aunt Holwell a Day or two ago expressive of the greatest Affection — she kindly presses me to go to her if I find my present situation at all irksome — but how is that possible? (except on one Account which nothing but your Liberty & restoration can achieve) — I am caressed even to my utmost Wishes by this charming Family consisting at Present of only Mr. Graham & his amiable Daughter — they sooth my Anxiety — they enter into all my Concerns — they are as eagerly interested for us as if we were Part of themselves — they love you my Brother with Tenderness & partake all my Uneasiness on your Account — what have I then to wish for except that one Thing — your Liberty! — without which Joy were no Joy — & Happiness to me were Misery! — Lord Hood is arrived in Town as well as my Lord Chatham, but I fear there will be a Delay of some Days on Account of the Interest making for some of the Prisoners — poor Fellows — wou'd to God they might all be pardoned! — surely I am not wrong for indulging sentiments of Humanity — Thank Heaven I am not a Judge! — & Pity cannot be deemed inconsistent with the female Character. — I wonder not my Love at poor James being affected to Tears at your first Interview — Alas! how have I envied him that blissful Moment — but may I not also hope? — Oh! Heaven! with all my boasted Fortitude (& of it) the Thought is almost more than I can bear — what then must be the rapturous reality; - if, I am ever to enjoy it — and that Hope I must indeed indulge, even tho' the Flatterer shou'd at last deceive & ruin me! — but I will not harbour the cruel Idea — we may my Peter yet be happy — the Almighty is merciful & gracious, & will not leave a wretched Family a Prey to Despair! — You assure me my tenderly beloved Brother that I may write to you as I please, or I wou'd not dare to indulge myself on this subject, which I will confess yeilds one a solitary kind of Consolation; for tho' my Tears almost obscure my Paper while I write, yet I find a Degree of Luxury in shedding them that relieves in some Measure my over-charged Heart — but if it distresses you, I conjure you tell me & I will cease — my Anxiety is however the less painful because (with Pleasure I speak it) reason assures me I may hope. — Think me not weak in the Indulgence of my Feelings my dearest Brother — Alas! I cannot in Fortitude attempt to vie with you, nor yet in any other sentiment but the Excess of my Affection — & surely when we have our all at stake Anxiety is pardonable at least! — I need not write particularly to James as this will answer the same purpose — In the mean time my dearest James watch over him with tender Care — be every thing you can to him & let me add learn of him Fortitude, Piety, & Resignation — keep up your own spirits, & sooth your Mind with the Assurance that every thing which can be of Use is, & shall be done with unwearied Diligence. — Farewell my dearest Brothers both — write soon to me my Peter — James does not like the Employment I know, & therefore his Letters wou'd be short, besides I confess I wish for Intelligence of you in your own writing. — May Heaven's best Blessings be your's! I will yet dare hope once more to clasp to my Bosom restored to Freedom the Darling of my Affections — Ah! may that Moment soon give Joy to the Heart of your tender

& most anxious Sister

    Nessy Heywood