Revised Jun 6 2021

No. 98. Miss N. Heywood to Mr. P. Heywood.

Great Russel Street — Oct^r 15^th 1792

Despair not my dearest charming Brother of being yet able to thank our inestimable Friend Mr. Graham as you wish — I still dare hop to see the Day when you shall exult in shewing that heart-felt Gratitude which (like your other Perfections so greatly ennobles you) in a more substantial Manner than is at present in your Power. — not that he looks for Gratification in such Proofs of your Worth — his disinterested Soul is more than repaid by the Pleasure he reaps from your transcendant Merit & the satisfaction he feels in seeking to reward it — I cannot describe the Delight with which he peruses your Letters or the parental Interest he takes in serving you — indeed I never saw such a Man! & he loves you as his own Son. — I have this Day a Letter from my Mama in which she desires me to say that as I write to you Sep 29, 1792 & her so constantly she will send Love to you thro' me — she mentions having only then received your's of the 29^th Sep'r. (so great are the Delay's of our intolerable Packet) — & begs me with the united Love & tenderest Affection of all the Family to tell you how much she esteems it her Glory & Pride to be the Mother of such a Son & how thankful she is to Almighty God for preserving to her so great a Blessing — you see by this my Peter that we all indulge Hopes — Oh! thou Giver of all Good! grant, in Pity grant they may be at length happily realized, & that Years of Misery & Anguish may at length give Place to Joy, to Comfort, & Delight! — she is well, as are all our Friends, & they want your Liberty alone to change their present state of sorrow to perfect Bliss. — How do I admire that amazing Fortitude & self-Command which prevents your too minute Enquiries my dear Love respecting us. dare I hope the Day may not be very distant when your Curiosity, dictated by Tenderness alone, may be gratified without Injury or Impropriety at present, to say I applaud it wou'd be little — & indeed Words are but faint Symbols of my feelings on every Part of your admirable Conduct! But think not my dear my noble Brother I can suppose, even for a Moment that one imperfect Thought can inhabit such a Soul — I know you to be all Excellence & therefore cease to be astonished at the Tranquility of your peaceful Bosom the residence of calm Content, & placid Joy! — I will endeavour to imitate you as far as I can — but may the merciful God in Pity to my Weakness forbear to put me to a Trial which I greatly fear wou'd almost overpower me! — let my firm Trust in his Goodness banish the too dreadful Idea. — Yes, my dearest Life — I hope, I think we shall yet be happy! I cannot say when, but I hope the delay will not be quite so long as you suspect — How kind, how generous is your Concern lest I shou'd injure myself by an Indulgence of my sentiments to you — but be not apprehensive that I shall suffer by it — tho' it distresses me, yet believe me, it affords me at the same time the only Pleasure I am at present capable of enjoying — it is a Mental kind of Conversation with you upon the most beloved & interesting subject in the World & supplies in the only Way at present in our Power the Enjoyment of a personal Interview. — Listen to no Fears for my Health which is perfectly good & will support me thro' all the Anxiety I have now to feel, at least I may hope so, for surely it will not continue long! To that tender sensibility & fond Affection with which it has pleased the Almighty to endow me, he has also kindly added a Constitution sufficiently strong to prevent the Indulgence of my Feelings from injuring my Health & to that also I am perhaps indebted for a Degree of Fortitude which has supported me thro' your sorrows — for true it is the Mind is strengthened by the Welfare of the Body.

I am glad James is so well employed in expressing the Gratitude so justly due to our kind Friends at Portsmouth, tell him with my best love to take Care of himself & you. Adieu my dearest Brothers both — May the Almighty protect you, & may I soon fold my Peter to that Bosom which knows no Joy, no Comfort till the blessed Moment when I may embrace him, as the best, the richest Gift of Heaven, — may that Moment soon crown the Wishes

of my dearest Peter's

  most faithfully

    & tenderly affec' Sister

      Nessy Heywood