Revised Jun 6 2021
No. 38. Miss N. Heywood to Mr. P. Heywood
Isle of Man – 18th. July — 1792
Thanks to the almighty Preserver of my best, my most dearly beloved Brother, I have this happy Moment been
blest by a *Letter, acknowledging the receipt of my Mama's & mine to him
* see Numbers 31 & 32
How impatiently have we all wished for a Letter from you, to tell us once more that you had heard from us —
May that Serenity of Mind they have produced continue to you my Love, & be the constant Companion of that
dear Bosom the residence of Purity & Innocence! I have written to you by every Opportunity — not only
as it is I am well convinced your chiefest Pleasure, but likewise my own; for Alas! I need not tell you
my dearest Love that all Company, all Conversation, & every Employment is to me insipid when unconnected
with you, the only, & the Darling Object of my Hopes & Wishes. —
Since you request I will not go to Portsmouth my Peter
I will not think of it, convinced that if such a step is against your Judgment it must be improper. —
Sure 'tis cruel to forbid my seeing you — but rules of Service however hard upon Individuals must be
submitted to, & I will if possible be content — content did I say? Never, never till I embrace my
noble, my inestimable Brother! —
Mr. Heywood has in his last *Letter to me
rather disapproved of my Intention to go to you —
* see No. 26
The reason he urged against it was, that you will now be taken every Care of & will receive the utmost
Attention from your Friends
(among whom the excellent Mrs. Bertie is first)
I cou'd do you no essential Service, & that he feared I might by seeing you in your present Situation
agitate & perhaps injure both you & myself. — With respect to you my Love, that reason has
great Weight with me, because your Mind ought for the present in particular to be kept cool and composed,
& I wou'd not lessen that Composure even by affording you all I cou'd — a painful Pleasure in
seeing me. — but as for myself no Danger, no Fatigue, no Difficulties wou'd deter me — I have
Youth, Health, & excellent natural Spirits — those & the Strength of my Affection wou'd
support me through it all — if I were not allowed to see you, yet being in the same place which contains
you wou'd be joy inexpressible — however that very Circumstance must be distressing to you & wou'd
only be a Source of Mortification. — I will not therefore any longer desire it but will learn to imitate
your Fortitude & Patience. — do you know I envy you exceedingly — to have borne with such
Heroism your dreadful Misfortunes — to become the Idol of all your relations & Friends, & to be
held up as Example of suffering Virtue — tell me my Love, is not such a Triumph worth the Purchase? —
Thus speaks my little Bravery of Spirit — Yet how does my fond Affection for my angelic Brother shrink
with Horror at the bare recollection of his past Dangers & Misfortunes! — The sweet & pious
resignation & Fortitude which has hitherto so happily conducted you (& will I doubt not continue to do
so) through them, is I freely own just what I expected from you — for such is my Idea of your Character
that I shou'd have been disappointed had you acted less nobly — but Oh! Gracious Disposer of all Events
may my lov'd Peter at Length enjoy the Happiness he so justly merits & may his future Life be unembittered
by even a Thought that might give him Pain! — since I must not see you my dearest Life let me request you
(tho' I am sure it is unnecessary) not to omit any Opportunity of writing — Judge by your own Feelings of
our Joy on receiving a Letter from you — & above every other Consideration on Earth take Care of your
Health about which I am chiefly anxious. — All the Family send you ten thousand Loves & good Wishes.
— With respect to the Event of your Trial, I am sure we ought to banish every Sentiment of Fear, &
rest securely on the Assistance of a kind Providence & your own Virtue — if there is Justice for the
Innocent on this Earth you will assuredly be restored to us with Honor —
Ah! my adored Peter how the Idea transports me!
May the Giver of all Good in Mercy, grant that such may soon be our happy Lot, & that I may at length
enjoy the Felicity of pressing the best of Brothers to the Bosom of his ever faithfully
affectionate Sister