Revised Jun 6 2021

No. 54. Miss N. Heywood to Mr. P. Heywood

Isle of Man – 13th. Aug'st. 1792

This Moment my beloved Peter I had the Happiness of your Letter enclosing your dear Picture, which I am charmed beyond Expression to possess, & which, till I again behold the Original shall be the constant Companion of my Bosom — it was drawn for you my Love & by yourself & that is sufficient to make it an inestimable Treasure to me: but I must tell you that it cannot be like you, that's positive, except a little resemblance about the nose & the upper Lip — long, long as you have been absent my dearest Brother your Features are indellibly impressed on my Mind; & tho' I may be suspected of Partiality, I must say you then promised to be very handsome: — However shou'd his Hardships and Misfortunes have lessened my Peter's personal Perfections, still he possesses those of the Mind in an eminent Degree & those will amply repay the Want of Beauty in a Face. not that I believe you do want it, but you certainly have not flattered yourself in the Picture & I have a great Notion you intend to surprize us by looking well at your return. You know we Females are apt to be but too fond of personal Charmes: & if I wish you to be handsome as you are good it is only because I wou'd have you if possible to please & charm every body into a Wish to make you happy — in short, I wou'd have you in the Opinion of all the rest of the World, what you already are in my own — Perfect — In writing this, I just cast my Eyes on the Picture, which is before me on the Table; & tho' not a bit like what you were, yet I cannot express the delightful Sensation it conveyed to my Mind — I cou'd absolutely almost fancy myself conversing with you at this Moment — Oh! my dear, dear Peter 'tis Happiness indescribable! — In return I will attempt to amuse you by one of my poetical Flights the other Day, when in a solitary Hour I was as usual musing on the Merits & Misfortunes of my ever dearest Peter, and rejoicing at his return [to] England (— see Page 19 [below]) — did you know I was a Postess my dear Peter? — I believe if you have received the Parcel, you did; for Eliza after it was sent away told me she had put into it some Lines I made upon you some Time before, which I was glad of, tho' they were not worth the Attention of any body but yourself — but they wou'd serve to convince you of the good Opinion we invariably entertained of you, even when we had no Hopes of ever seeing you more — for alas! it was then next to an Impossibility that we shou'd enjoy the Happiness we now so ardently expect! — do not however criticize my Works too severely my dear Peter — they boast no Merit but from the superior Worth & Dignity of the Subject, which can alone stamp a Value on the Productions of my Pen & I send them to you only, because I know it will give you Pleasure to find that absent or present, you, & you only can delight your faithful & admiring Nessy. —

My Mama is perfectly well; & tho' still she is & must be anxious & of course uneasy about you my Love, yet compared to the situation of Mind she was in six Months ago, she is contented & happy, & only waits the joyful Day when we shall again meet to be completely so — it is not that she suffers a sentiment of Fear to enter her Bosom — your high Merit & perfect Innocence must totally preclude every Idea of that Nature but who that knows & loves you my Brother can know you absent, & be happy! — be assured I do & will exert my utmost Efforts to keep up her Spirits, & I have every reason to think you will find her when you are once more restored to us, as chearful as you can wish — in the mean Time, let not your own Spirits feel any Diminution; remember the Mind affects the Body & nothing contributes so much to Health as Chearfulness. — do you know I am almost ashamed of the Trouble I give the Officer who peruses my long Letters, I dare say he often says to himself — "what an eternal Scribler is this Girl! — if she talks as much mercy on those who are unfortunately within hearing" — Yet I hope he will pardon me my beloved Peter when he considers that I have been five long Years deprived of your dear society, & that it will not I hope be long e'er we shall spare him the Trouble.

All the Family send their best Love, & all other Friends the kindest remembrances — God send the Fleet soon back & inspire every Officer who shall sit upon the Court-Martial with pity, Compassion, & Benevolence! — in the mean Time my most dear Brother think not of any thing but such subjects as will contribute to your Happiness — of our Affection, & the Joy we shall feel on your return — look not back to past Misfortunes, but forward to future Prospects of Comfort & satisfaction — & believe assuredly that you my best Life are the sole Gratification & Felicity of your most

faithful, fond

  & affectionate Sister

    Nessy Heywood